I work as a online forum moderator. Dealing with conflict is a part of the job. It's not a bad part; I actually like it. It's a headache going through the process, but when it's done I find we are usually better off than when we started. Over the years, I have developed my own approach. I find it interesting how much it reflects what I learn in Aikido. In many respects, the principles are the same.
Connect with the other: The most important part of conflict management is trying to understand where the other person is coming from. Listen, and listen deeply. While doing so, suspend judgement.
Connect with yourself: Know where you are coming from, which includes your bias and where you are emotionally. A strong sense of self will keep you from being pulled in by the other's emotional whirlwind.
Draw the other into your center: When communicating your perspective, make sure to use "I" messages. Tell them "I see this" or "I feel that." Avoid "you" messages. When emotions start to flare, the fight or flight reaction kicks in. As you tell others what you see and feel, it draws them out of their own perspective. This pulls them out of their emotions and into rational thought. Effectively you are moving them from their center of power into yours.
Do not fight force with force, but accept it: An angry person can use hostile language. The temptation is to return the favor. However, rather than pushing back, receive the energy. The person before you is giving part of her or himself to you. Consider this a gift, rather than a threat.
Move into the void: In conflict, two forces of stability exist: them and you. Both would rather prefer their own foundation. The void is where neither of you are. That is precisely where you need to go, together. When the two of you go on a journey where neither of you have been, you are entering a new world of creative solutions. You don't necessarily know where you will go next, but the mutual sense of vulnerability becomes a tie that binds.
Nurture malice and transform it into compassion: Fights end with winners and losers. Whenever someone enters into conflict, they need to win because the only other option is to lose. This fear of loss is what keeps conflict going. Angry energy, once accepted, can be transformed. Once another has seen our point of view and considered with us creative possibilities, they have the option of letting go of the anger. But, they can only do that if they feel safe. That's why it's important to walk into conflict without seeing the other as something to be dominated. In conflict, it takes two to tango. If your desire is not to win, then the other cannot lose. Once the other realizes that, it becomes okay to let go of the negative emotions.
Intent matters: Perhaps this is the most important one of them all. If someone tries to draw you into conflict and you desire to dominate and feel powerful, then the situation will indeed become critical. If, however, you see the situation as an unfortunate side effect of an inability to work together, then you have an opportunity before you. If you see the other as an enemy, then an enemy that person will remain. If however, you see before you another who struggles with fear while feeling threatened, then your entire posture changes. When our intent is such that we seek to truly connect with another, we can begin to identify with that person. When we identify with another, that which becomes possible is love. Love does not seek to win; it seeks to flow and flourish. As we allow it to do so, new possibilities emerge and new life is found.
Those are only a few of the principles that translate from Aikido to conflict management. As I reflect here, my point isn't to draw out all of the similarities. I'll let someone else do that. Rather, the point is to try to look at Aikido principles in a more holistic way. Yes, they are strong foundations for powerful technique on the mats. But, they can be more than that, if we allow them to. For me, Aikido isn't just about centering, imbalancing, and locking. It's about living. When I practice Aikido, I do so in order to participate in a more creative, harmonizing love. That's my intent, anyway.
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